There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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