Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
