I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
