Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize