I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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