giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
