I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
