used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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