first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
