I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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