You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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