I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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