My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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