pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
