He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
