just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
