; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
