she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
