quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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