I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
