I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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