oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
