Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize