Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
