you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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