I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
