I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize