U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
