i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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