Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
