I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
