i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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