Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
