fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize