he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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