i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
