i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
