I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He did a backflip because drugs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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