why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
