ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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