is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The ass gains better be worth it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
