Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
