dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
