It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
