So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
