somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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