Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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