Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
