Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
