Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize