The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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