Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
