i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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