One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
