I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
