you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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