sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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