Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
