Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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