How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
