Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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