so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
