I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
