Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
