me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pooping to opera.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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