[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
