then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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