That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
