My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We smell like vodka and hangover
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