I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
