I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
