Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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