This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
