guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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