I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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