his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
