for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
