it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
