the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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