Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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