I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I cut my penus on the lid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
