He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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