i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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