My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need a beard to bite.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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