Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize