Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize