Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
