Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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