I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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