You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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