Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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