go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
