oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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